Friendships for Health
Social connections and friendships are vital to our well-being, especially during high-stress times. And yet, motherhood is the ultimate contradiction in that many moms feel quite isolated and alone while experiencing the least amount of alone time they've ever had in their lives! Here’s the catch- our partner and children don’t necessarily cut it if they’re our only social connection.
When we become parents, there's significant emphasis on meeting other moms through support and education groups. Whether it’s a baby class or a breastfeeding support group, these gatherings are a lifeline. That’s because socializing with others who have a shared experience is actually proven to better moms health and wellness and baby’s development. While some of the moms you meet here could become lifelong friends, at the very least you’ll look back with respect and admiration for the moms on the other end of the group text, knowing you truly needed each other in those early, exhausting days.
There’s also beauty in reconnecting with our old friends—those who have known us through multiple phases of our lives and who keep going through life’s ups and downs alongside us. I recently spent a weekend with two of my oldest and dearest friends and I was amazed (but not surprised) at how it helped me to recharge.
Just two weeks ago, right between two business trips and the first week of camp and summer school for my kids, I carved out 3.5 days with my long-time friends. The timing might have been less than ideal, but we’ve learned that you don't cancel plans like these. We live in three cities across two time zones. Simply having anything on the calendar is a victory and rescheduling is out of the question.
During those three days, I felt my stress melt away. I laughed like we were back in 2002 recounting the night out antics of our friends while watching Joe Millionaire and eating a bag of Tostitos with a jar of queso. (By the way, if you have similar college memories from the early 2000s, it’s time to schedule your mammogram—screening starts at 40 now).
Fast forward to summer 2024- each night, we stayed up chatting in matching pajamas and doing face masks. My friends hugged my kids and got to see the loving chaos of our home. We enjoyed great food and talked about everything: books, retirement savings, babysitters, bowling leagues, podcasts, Bridgerton... we covered it all. We laughed until our sides hurt, shared tears, and encouraged each other to go ahead and just buy the thing. For me, that thing was a pair of Birkenstocks I’ve been contemplating for 20 years. I’m wearing them now, smiling at how lucky I am to have these friends who love all these different parts of me.
After our goodbyes, I felt a renewed sense of joy and lightness. I had a newfound appreciation for my husband, our kids, and the life we've built together. Reconnecting with my friends helped me reconnect with a part of myself that sometimes gets lost in the hustle of motherhood. It reminded me of who I was before I was a wife and a mom. And I’m happy to know that woman is still inside me, even if she doesn’t always show up in the mirror.
Isn’t it funny how we sometimes see ourselves more clearly when we look at our lives through the eyes of our friends?
I’ll close with a suggestion to take a couple of minutes to spark or rekindle those connections. Send a meme to a new mom friend who’s in the thick of it with you and reach out to your old pals. Share a story or a laugh and put something on the calendar- in pen- and look forward to some time together.
It’s good for your health.
