The Marriage Dupe- Part 2
Last week, my washing machine backed up. Soap, water….all over the floor. I called our local rooter man who cleaned out the drain (and Meghan, my co-mom on MomSense because her husband knows everything)! When my car needs an oil change and an inspection, I go to our local autobody shop and see Jerry. I need to have all my storm doors replaced at my house. The guy at the local door place is coming today to quote that and get it done.
The point of this is, we have been told that we are to find that one partner in life who checks ALL our boxes and when that person doesn’t check all our boxes the only option is to up and run. Its like saying that one person is your go to for all your home needs. That’s not true. There is a door person, a car person, a person that helps you at the bank….they are all not the same thing.
And I think this idea that there is one person puts an unusual amount of pressure on marriages. Parenting with another person is hard. FULL STOP. You will disagree about how you should do things, there will be conflict, there is the juggling of the schedules and then add on top of that money stress. To think that you will get all of your proverbial cups filled by one person and remain harmonious is really laughable.
But there is something that you can do about that. Rather than throw in the towel on your relationship, its time to take inventory of what works for your relationship and where you need a boost in the others.
Do you need that mom friend that you just share voice notes back and forth daily to check in? (Hey, girl hey)
Maybe your sister or your mom is the person you call when you need to just talk through a tricky parenting situation?
And if you are not fortunate enough to have people in your circle, seek them out. I see on the daily those ads for Peanut or posts of moms looking for other moms. Take a chance and find a friend.
Having friendships and confidantes in other parts of your life takes the pressure off your relationship to all the things. Just because your partner doesn’t meet all your expectations doesn’t mean that it’s not right. Note, this isn’t to say that you should stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or doesn’t meet any of your needs. I’m talking about the expectations that your partner fill all your buckets in life.
I think many times people think that if every day with their partner isn’t sunshine and rainbows then it isn’t working. I say we are asking too much of each other. Take a few minutes today, hug your partner and tell them 3 things you appreciate about them and see what happens. Their response may surprise you!
