Pack-mule Motherhood
Y’all ever feel like a pack mule?
**note, I’m not from the South but my work is based out of Tennessee and y’all is just about my favorite and inclusive way to address people. I don’t often use it in conversation but I just love it in writing**
Motherhood comes with a lot of logistics and sometimes we just feel like the keeper of things and packer of bags- a pack mule. All that planning, shopping, packing, organizing, and pressure can certainly feel like a lot. In recent years, domestic labor research has shown negative physical and mental health effects when women bear the brunt of planning and organization of family life. Sometimes I look around at all the stuff I’m shlepping and feel like a pack mule and a real ass. Am I complicating things with all this “stuff-management”?
The gauntlet of summer with its long school breaks, poor US paid-vacation standards, and expensive, waitlisted-since-January summer camps… and summer can end up being more stressful than carefree.
One night this week after work/school we went to the pool for the first time of the season. I packed a picnic dinner and towels and we let the kids swim for 90 minutes before hitting the showers and going home in jammies. It was a near perfect evening if you skim over the brawl my kids got into while getting out of the pool, but you can win at everything
This summer, whether you’re new parents with a wee babe or a veteran shuttling carpools, join me in trying out a few things to reduce your stress.
Here are some things I’m doing this summer to simplify my life and reduce stress:
Weekly huddle with my spouse to plan the week ahead- who owns pickups and drop offs, dinner plans, grocery needs, and travel plans (both work and fun). We do these already on Sunday nights so we’ll probably just shift the context from school year to summer with the added hope for lighter workdays and more bbqs and pool parties.
Designate a sunscreen for each car, camp bag, and pool bag. Label each one with our family name and where it belongs.
Keep a bin in the car with one sweatshirt, bathing suit, and towel per family member (add aforementioned sunscreen). Restock Sundays or as items are used.
Bring kids’ pajamas everywhere we go- even keep them in that car bin! Summer days turn into evenings quickly and somehow it’s always 8pm and I’m wondering how we’re going to get our kids home, cleaned up, and in bed without damning tomorrow’s morning routine. My sisters are always so good about bringing jammies and giving their kids a quick rinse before changing them and loading up- making late nights a bit easier and fun for the kids to have a summer-only nighttime routine.
Find time to be screen free. This isn’t going to work for us if it is too strict or ritualistic. I work remotely for a healthcare company and am on my phone a lot. But we can find an hour or two each evening to put our phones on their chargers and just talk or play together. This might be the hardest one for us but that means it’s the most important, too.
Get myself some water resistant headphones. My beach and pool reads are not going to be heavy hardcovers read lounging in a chaise. This phase of my life is more standing, playing, and watchful eyes on the water, but I can continue crushing my podcast and audiobook goals while reapplying SPF, decorating sand castles, and wiping up popsicle drips.
A few days a week, I want to institute a quiet hour. In our house, everyone comes home from camp days a bit fried. Whenever possible we’re going to opt for at least one hour of downtime after work/camp and no other plans. It’s hard work playing in the sun all day and my kids, especially the youngest, will barely be holding it together come 4:00 pickup. If she starts falling asleep during downtime, we’ll call an audible and have dinner early before downtime and if she crashes by 5:30, so be it.
We’re going to try to go a little old school. Our kids are real screen hounds, so we’ve set our WiFi to disable our TVs apps (Netflix, Disney+, etc) during certain hours and since we don’t have cable, there will be nothing available to watch. I’m really hoping to induce boredom and see what they come up with. I’m also going to teach my kids how to use the sprinkler and have it always available. A helpful little tool we have is a timer nozzle on the hose so they can’t accidentally leave it on all day and flood our yard. Also at the ready? Bubbles. I buy the big Target Sun Squad refill jug and refill the wands rather than buying new.
Lastly, we’re going to try exploring unchaperoned outdoor time. This is tricky for us as one of my kids requires more supervision than their peers, but we’re testing some limits and imposing safety guardrails to allow for biking and scootering, woods exploring, etc. on their own.
I’m sure you all have some recommendations and hacks that would be great additions to my list.
What else can we do to simply our lives and reduce stress this summer?
