Parenting as our legacy
I recently came across a podcast that really shifted my lens on parenting and mortality. I know, how uplifting! But the right podcast always hits me just when I need it. As I get closer and closer to my 40th birthday I have been really pondering what the hell are we doing here are this random rock spinning in a giant black hole? And what do I do with my time to make the most of this experience? And now I have two tiny humans, what the heck am I supposed to do with that? And we are supposed to spend all day working at a job while sending them to other people that we pay a lot of money for only too long to have them home with us but not all the time. While I climb ladders in my career and have a side hustle and this is all for what?!
And then of course, this amazing podcast fell right into my lap that helped me with these conundrums.
https://www.milklesspodcast.com
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3V777KAh3GUHiLqZcq8O3k?si=FN6sDYJtSAW3Nof_Z0VGzg
Milkless is a podcast run by two dads (shout out to our involved dads)! Their last few episodes have been about reaching the age of 40, reflection on mortality and our responsibilities as parents. I urge you to take a listen. But this is what I walked away with.
Parenting is our legacy and my goodness how grateful I am that I can leave this legacy? But what does that mean? It means that when we leave this Earth there will be one generation behind us that will remember our presence. Other people will own our possessions, someone else will have our job, the world will keep spinning and our impact will fade. But what will endure is the way we parented our children. When we use evidence-based parenting interventions, interventions that we know are non-harmful, supportive to child’s development, we are learning from previous parents before us. And then we are impacting our children who are going to improve upon the way we parented them. We are bending the chain towards a brighter, better future of well adjusted and loved children. We no longer allow kids to be exposed to lead paint, we know that they need to be in car seats, we know now that spanking and hitting don’t produce the outcomes that we thought they did. These things are softballs. Easy interventions that greatly increased our children’s mortality rates.
But that made me reflect on what kind of legacy I want to leave my children with. I want them to see a mother who just adored them. Parents who show up. People around them they can trust. I want them to feel psychologically safe as well as physically safe. I want them to run to me when they do something wrong rather than run away. I want them to have warm memories of coming home after a long day or the smells of Christmas morning. I want them to feel their birthday is their special day and it is always remembered. I want their opinions to be heard and their feelings to matter. I want them to know I am always on their side, I am in their corner and I am screaming on the sidelines. My parents did that for me but I want to do that 1% better.
And so on days when you are running around and wondering, “what the hell am I doing with my life?” pivot back to your legacy. Draw your kids closer, take that deep breath and parent just 1% calmer. This is your life’s work. This is what you will leave behind. Your children, your parenting, that is the impact you are leaving on this planet. That is what deserves the time, the education, the refocus. Let your legacy shape the future of your family. One day at a time.
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